A Timeline of a Relationship That Ends
She drums her fingers nervously on the table, the repetitive,
rhythmic gesture an unconscious effort to soothe herself. She was never
comfortable in social situations. She was much happier when she was by
herself, it was when she felt she could truly just be herself.
His eyes never left her, she could feel it. For some reason, she was having a great time. She was still nervous, but for once, she didn't wish she was at home or that she could leave. She liked being there, talking to him. Because she could tell he wanted to be there, talking to her.
Eyes on the road, one hand on the steering wheel, his other hand moved to rest comfortably on her knee. The familiarity of this practiced move, from countless car rides together with her in the passenger seat, was still enough to secretly thrill her. His hand felt safe. When she was younger and rode the bus to school every morning, she had a best friend that would always save her a seat. That was how this felt. To know that there was always someone there, saving you a seat on the bus. That was the feeling of being in love. To know that you had someone, that it was indisputable.
The back of her neck prickled with heat, rising from her anger. She tried to explain what she was feeling, he clearly did not understand. He responded in vain, she couldn't grasp his thoughts either. They were using the right words, but feeling the wrong way about what was being said. He didn't understand why she couldn't be more like him, she couldn't understand why he couldn't think more like her. He threw up his hands in frustration, she started crying. He said they needed some time to cool down, grabbed his jacket and left her in their apartment. Before they were together, she was always used to being on her own. Yet, tonight was the first time, she truly felt alone. Lonely.
They were at their favorite restaurant. They discussed the dishes they would order. If he ordered that, she would get this. She asked if they should go grocery shopping this weekend. There might be a game on, he pulled his phone out to check. She mentioned she might have brunch with the girls. He said he saw good deal on tickets for that vacation they were planning next year. The waitress came. She ordered for both of them. He yawned loudly. While waiting for their food, she stared into the distance.
Sunlight streamed into the bedroom, eventually catching her eye. She squinted through an eye lazily to see his peaceful, sleeping face. She smiled to herself. His legs were hugging hers underneath the covers, the weight and warmth reassuring. This was their home, their bedroom, their world. It was all theirs, all hers and nobody else's. Her heart swelled as his eyes flickered open. As if he could tell what she was thinking, he smiled sleepily and pulled her closer.
She was about to tell him it was over. This is how it feels like, she realized, to be on the other end of heartbreak. It was just the opposite end of the coin. The same tenseness in her shoulders, the knot in her stomach, it just came before the actual breakup. Except instead of sadness, the nerves were from guilt. He could tell. He stared at her warily as he walked into the room. He knew. It was a long time coming. There was anger, but defeated acceptance. He didn't think she would admit it so soon, he thought that she would've tried harder to keep it going.
It was too soon. Too soon after their ending to be friends. He flippantly mentioned a female coworker, she retaliated by making a seemingly innocuous comment on his issues with his family. They knew each other too well and knew exactly which buttons to push. He tried to reconcile, once again, his hand moved to rest on her knee. She contemplated it for just a moment. But she knew it had to be done. She told him that maybe they should take a longer break from each other.
She poured herself a cup of hot tea in her empty apartment, late at night. The cold winter air was still and quiet. In the distance, she could hear echoes of her fellow apartment dwellers, ready to start their night. She watched the steam rise from her mug, thinking about her life and where she ended up. She was alone but she felt like herself again. She smiled to herself. This was her life, this was all hers, she was happy.
His eyes never left her, she could feel it. For some reason, she was having a great time. She was still nervous, but for once, she didn't wish she was at home or that she could leave. She liked being there, talking to him. Because she could tell he wanted to be there, talking to her.
Eyes on the road, one hand on the steering wheel, his other hand moved to rest comfortably on her knee. The familiarity of this practiced move, from countless car rides together with her in the passenger seat, was still enough to secretly thrill her. His hand felt safe. When she was younger and rode the bus to school every morning, she had a best friend that would always save her a seat. That was how this felt. To know that there was always someone there, saving you a seat on the bus. That was the feeling of being in love. To know that you had someone, that it was indisputable.
The back of her neck prickled with heat, rising from her anger. She tried to explain what she was feeling, he clearly did not understand. He responded in vain, she couldn't grasp his thoughts either. They were using the right words, but feeling the wrong way about what was being said. He didn't understand why she couldn't be more like him, she couldn't understand why he couldn't think more like her. He threw up his hands in frustration, she started crying. He said they needed some time to cool down, grabbed his jacket and left her in their apartment. Before they were together, she was always used to being on her own. Yet, tonight was the first time, she truly felt alone. Lonely.
They were at their favorite restaurant. They discussed the dishes they would order. If he ordered that, she would get this. She asked if they should go grocery shopping this weekend. There might be a game on, he pulled his phone out to check. She mentioned she might have brunch with the girls. He said he saw good deal on tickets for that vacation they were planning next year. The waitress came. She ordered for both of them. He yawned loudly. While waiting for their food, she stared into the distance.
Sunlight streamed into the bedroom, eventually catching her eye. She squinted through an eye lazily to see his peaceful, sleeping face. She smiled to herself. His legs were hugging hers underneath the covers, the weight and warmth reassuring. This was their home, their bedroom, their world. It was all theirs, all hers and nobody else's. Her heart swelled as his eyes flickered open. As if he could tell what she was thinking, he smiled sleepily and pulled her closer.
She was about to tell him it was over. This is how it feels like, she realized, to be on the other end of heartbreak. It was just the opposite end of the coin. The same tenseness in her shoulders, the knot in her stomach, it just came before the actual breakup. Except instead of sadness, the nerves were from guilt. He could tell. He stared at her warily as he walked into the room. He knew. It was a long time coming. There was anger, but defeated acceptance. He didn't think she would admit it so soon, he thought that she would've tried harder to keep it going.
It was too soon. Too soon after their ending to be friends. He flippantly mentioned a female coworker, she retaliated by making a seemingly innocuous comment on his issues with his family. They knew each other too well and knew exactly which buttons to push. He tried to reconcile, once again, his hand moved to rest on her knee. She contemplated it for just a moment. But she knew it had to be done. She told him that maybe they should take a longer break from each other.
She poured herself a cup of hot tea in her empty apartment, late at night. The cold winter air was still and quiet. In the distance, she could hear echoes of her fellow apartment dwellers, ready to start their night. She watched the steam rise from her mug, thinking about her life and where she ended up. She was alone but she felt like herself again. She smiled to herself. This was her life, this was all hers, she was happy.
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